As you can clearly see from this graphs, Carl Crawford is the one player who leads multiple unlinked quantitative scoring categories! I mean, look at how he is the one big exception to the rules in those graphs! Whereas his power peers are more chubby, like home plates, he is taller and more pointed, like an expecially angular shaped sperm shooting machine also known as a penis. Miguel Carbonara may lead in the power hitting categories, but as it turns out, because there are so few steals each week, each one is precious and actually worth more than a HR, of which there are more. I did many correlations of this that will not be shown here, but the benefits of hitting a whole bunch of HRs can be made up relatively easily by more plebian performance. Moreover, it turns out that one of the strongest categorical correlations is a negative one between HRs and SBs, meaning that most of the time, when you get a guy to swipe them bagaloons, he does so at the price of HRs. Carl, though, is able to hold up in both categories, meaning that not only do you get the speed upside, but you get no accompanying downside in power! Amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's that? What methods did I use for this analysis you ask? No! You didn't ask! There is no you! There is only me. In an empty room. Alone with my beautiful numbers.
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